I was low key still upset that he didn’t even look at me once that night… so this whole past week he asked me to go on that one day camping trip with him, I said no.
The first time he’s asked me, I told him that I had other plans already. He had looked at me so skeptically, that I went straight to Robin’s tent.
“Hey Robin! Let me in! I’m here to assist you!”
I was banking on whichever Robin replied first I would use as a scapegoat.
(Of course…)
She had opened the flap of her tent and looked at me and behind me at Lon’qu.
Robin: “Ah! Yes! I did need her. Sorry, Lon’qu we got plans.”
The moment I got inside. I said “Thanks…”
Robin: “Are you two fighting over battle formations, or is this a… personal skirmish?”
Laura: “I just need a place to hide out for today, until I can make other plans.”
Robin: “Fair, well since you’re here let’s figure out your schedule for the next skirmishes!”
The next few days, I was hanging out with Gaius.
Gaius: “You know Cactus, if you keep coming around here, people are going to start to talk.”
Laura: “So? Just tell them I’ve bribed you with candy.”
The next consecutive days I went to Libra for art classes.
Libra: “Maybe you should go with him, Laura?”
“Lon’qu doesn’t need me.” I seethed. “Anyways! I want to practice drawing!”
I also pestered Frederick, to go on his patrols. When he finally allowed me to go with him, I ran away the next day after he told me to pick up all the pebbles I see on sight…
Two weeks have passed with my nonsense that the moment I was going to busy myself to be alone for the day, he was right outside my door.
Laura: “!”
Lon’qu: “Hey…”
Laura: “Hi…”
Both: “…”
(I can’t keep doing this…)
Laura: “Soooo, what brings you to my doorstep, must be my lucky day huh?”
He visibly flinches and then straightens out just as quickly.
(This has been the most I’ve talked to him all this time…)
Lon’qu: “Do you… have time to go camping today…?”
The same question he’s been asking when he sees me…
Laura: “A-alright. What time…?”
Lon’qu: “…Now?”
Laura: “Huh…?” (Like an all day trip?!?) “I’m- I’m not even finished packing yet!”
Lon’qu: “I’ve already packed everything…. You just need to bring your own tent.”
Laura: “My own… ah right, of course.” I was disappointed, but at the same time I shouldn’t be shocked. (After the way I’ve been treating him… Also, why would we even share a tent!? We aren’t even together...) “Let me just bag up some extra clothes just in case. I’ll be back…”
He nods his head and continues waiting outside.
I grab my spare tent, my canteen, tissues, and a bag filled with clothes and a toothbrush. (I never went camping before… is this really all I need? Well. I assume Lon’qu has everything anyways.)
I pop back out of my tent.
Laura: “I’m ready.”
Lon’qu: “We have to hike out to the spot, but it’ll have everything we need out there. Let’s go.”
Lon’qu: “Wait… give me your stuff. I’ll hold it…”
Laura: “Huh… no nope you’re already holding so much, I can hold these things!! Don’t worry about it!!”
But, he grabs my bags out of my hands anyways.
Laura: “Then, what am I supposed to hold…”
Lon’qu: “Yourself. Keep up.”
We walk quite some miles, it was farther out. The walk there was mostly quiet. Some talk, but barely anything. Just “Where are we going exactly?” “Have you gone here before?” Small talk. (With our distance… what was there to talk about…?)
I breathe heavily. “I… I cannot *huff* keep walking… up *huff huff* these hills!!” I complained to myself.
Suddenly, his hand is behind my back steadying me forward.
Lon’qu: “You should have brought your chains…”
Laura: “For… what…?” Perplexed as this has come out of nowhere.
Lon’qu: “To tie yourself… to me…” His words were quiet, but it was there. Loud in my ears.
I blushed and my foot got caught on a rock… but he caught me from toppling over with his arm on my waist.
Lon’qu: “Pay attention…”
My cheeks were growing hotter. “R-right!!” I had the urge to run straight up this hill.
His touch always sends my heart racing…
(Why am I the only one this flustered?! Making a fool of myself…!!)
He steadies me upright and I bolt straight for the campsite. His chuckles lost on my ears the farther I run away.
(The place is beautiful...) I catch my breath as I take in the view. Up here, you can see everything. Trees, wildlife calls, a bird poking out in the trees, an area for starting a fire. There’s also a path that leads down into something that seems like a stream that might flow into a river?
“Just being here is peaceful.” I take a breath of the air.
He’s beside me now and then puts down everything he’s been holding.
“Thank you Lon’qu… I mean it.”
Lon’qu: “Anytime…”
One word from him and my heart soars. (That word again… is it for me or for everyone?) (Am I to take this that he’s willing to come with me whenever? Or is he just being nice as he always is to everyone?)
Laura: “…”
My back and forth mood swings aren’t helping. (Why am I like this…?) I decide to play nice, at least for today. I shouldn’t be ruining this time together. I remind myself why we are even here to begin with.
Laura: “A worthy place of a celebration!!” I clap my hands together.
He just watches me. His eyes never leaving my face…
Laura: “Though, I ah… have a confession to make…”
Lon’qu: “I’m listening…”
Laura: “I’ve never really gone camping before…” I laugh.
Lon’qu: “But, you suggested it…?”
Laura: “Camping seems to suit you, outdoor activities, the training, surviving… And… I wanted to be a part of that…” I say honestly.
Laura: “Anyways!” “Let’s set up our tents! I’ll race you! Loser has to do whatever the winner wants!!” (Though, I know I’ll lose.)
I grab my bag and find a spot where I want to set up my tent.
I spare a glance at him and notice that we are across from each other, straight down the middle would be the campfire. I’m on the right and he’s on the left. (Worlds apart…)
As I take out the parts in my bag, I notice that the tent has holes… “Can’t be that bad right?”
I start putting up my spare tent based on the manuals but the cloth just seems to get more and more shredded as I go on… “Eh…?!” “You have to be kidding me…”
Lon’qu: “Need help…?”
I look over and see that his tent is already up and mine only has sticks in the ground…
“Well, you see…”
Lon’qu: “Tattered. But, still can be used.”
He takes the material from my hands and puts up the tent flawlessly except the tent itself had random holes.
“At least, it’s standing… T-Thank you…”
Lon’qu: “You can take my tent. I’ll use this one.” He says as a matter of fact.
“That’s not fair to you. You packed, you take your tent.”
Lon’qu: “Winner’s orders.”
(My words used against me…!!!)
Laura: “I can’t argue with that…”
Lon’qu: “Then, it’s settled.”
(When it comes to these things, he’s so quick about it.)
Lon’qu: “How good are you with a spear?”
Laura: “Ummmm… I only have my axe so…”
He hands me a spear anyways. “Follow me.”
I follow. Just like always. We follow path to the river.
Lon’qu: “How many fish do you want?”
Laura: “Two? One for lunch and one for dinner? So 4? 5? Including yours.”
Lon’qu: “Understood.” And, off he goes knee deep into the water with his sword.
(With his lightning fast reflexes, these poor fish don’t even stand a chance…)
He catches 4 of them and puts them in a bucket. I watch amazed and impressed and surprised. But at the same time, I shouldn’t be surprised as this is Lon’qu we are talking about…
Lon’qu: “Come here.”
Laura: “Huh?”
He beckons me over with his eyes, waiting still in the water. I walk over…
(Well… here goes nothing.) I step into the water, and it is freezing cold.
Laura: “I’m h-here!” I stand beside him holding the spear that he’s given me earlier.
Lon’qu: “You wanted to fish right?”
Laura: “Yeah… but I’ve never done this before…”
Lon’qu: “Just test it out get a feel of the water. Aim for that rock down there.”
I try to aim for it, but I’m totally off. I laugh at how awful I’m at this.
Laura: “To no one’s surprise—“
He comes close to me, places his hands on the spear, and fixes the way I hold it.
Lon’qu: “Right there. Go straight.” He’s practically behind me, his voice near my ears…
I didn’t expect him there, flustered, I fumbled and hit the bottom end of the spear into his stomach.
The moment I felt the spear hit something behind me I flipped around.
Laura: “I’m s-sorry!!”
Lon’qu: “…Humph.”
He doesn’t move, he’s still behind me…
Lon’qu: “Does my presence… upset you…?”
His voice… wavering… His hand near my hands, holding the spear.
I whipped around so quickly, my hair hitting his chest.
“N-no!” I’m facing him now.
Lon’qu: “Then, what…?”
(That your presence gives me life? That you being here is all that I need?) Things I would not admit out loud. (At least not when we aren’t anything…)
Laura: “…” My heart aches. “I’m… not…”
When something brushes my legs…
“!” Instinctively, I reach out my hands on both of his lower arms.
Lon’qu: “…!”
“S-Something touched me!”
He instantly looks down at the water, scanning while holding the spear protectively.
Lon’qu: “I don’t see anything.”
He pries off my hands on his lower arms and hands me the spear to hold. (Okay… geez…)
Then, he actually looks at my face… our eyes meet… then his eyes drops down to my lips…?
In an instant, he scoops me up in a princess carry?!
“…?!!”
He walks us out of the water and puts me down, my feet back on the bank.
Then, just as quick, his thumb brushes my lower lips…
(W-what?!) I involuntarily breathed, and he snatches his hand away as if it’s been burned.
Lon’qu: “S-sorry… I didn’t notice sooner… I’ll start a fire for us.” He walks off to do exactly that.
I put my own fingers to my lips… reminded of his fleeting touch…
I shake my head as I make my way after him.
He starts making the campfire next. I watch him grab the wood and then start creating fire with just two sticks.
(A-amazing…!) I watch him in awe.
His gaze never leaves the fire pit as he slowly feeds the flames into a fire yet… he chuckles.
Lon’qu: “Impressed?”
My face flushes, I got caught.
Laura: “H-huh…?!”
He chuckles again as the flames get stronger.
Lon’qu: “Come sit over here and warm up. I’ll go prepare the fish.”
Laura: “I-I can help!”
He tenses.
Lon’qu: “I… rather you.. didn’t.”
And just like that the flush on my cheeks just moments prior fall off my face.
Laura: “O-okay t-then…”
His eyes darken.
Lon’qu: “…. I rather not let you see me… as a murderer.”
(A w-what?!)
Laura: “You’re not! Why would you even think that?!”
Lon’qu: “…”
His mouth opens and then closes, (he’s doing in that thinking face again…)
(Where is this even coming from…)
When he finally speaks, it’s deliberate, low, and careful…
Lon’qu: “The fish are still very much alive…”
Laura: “O-Oh.”
My single word hangs in the air.
I add quickly, “I-it’s for survival… you’re not a murderer…”
He steps closer to me, and looks me right into my eyes.
Lon’qu: “…I’ve taken lives before.“
(This is so much deeper… he’s talking about lives of others… I know we aren’t supposed to kill, but what at what cost…? The cost of your own life…? I have no right what to say… how to dictate his life… what actions someone would take in a life and death situation…)
So I say the only truth that matters to me the most…
Laura: “I… I’m glad you’re alive and that we met.”
His breath hitches, but he doesn’t say anything. His muscles tense.
I want to wrap my arms around him and give him a hug… but I don’t. My eyes leave his face and falls on his waist.
I notice my blue luck charm… the one I knotted for him, still tied on his ornament.
Laura: “You… still have this…?”
A warm feeling presses into my heart.
(He hasn’t thrown it away or got rid of it… that’s something right…?)
My fingers play with it.
Lon’qu: “…I haven’t removed it ever since you given it to me.”
A smile spreads across my face, uncontrolled.
(Mine…)
I continue to play with it.
Laura: “Good, you have to keep it on forever then…” (My mark on you...) I had meant to say it as a tease, but it comes out raw and real… almost possessive.
Lon’qu: “…!”
I look up and he’s clenching his jaw, his cheeks turning red.
Then he places his finger under my chin, lift it slightly up… his face getting closer to mine…
Lon’qu: “Laura… you—“
And, I sneezed. A big one… Right into his face.
Laura: “I’M SORRY…!!?!! This wasn’t on purpose!!!”
I’m embarrassed and trying to wipe the snot off his face with my fingers because what else can I do?!
He flinches when my fingers touch his face with my snot and he moves back on an impulse, but my fingers accidentally brush his mouth.
(A-ah…)
(He’s totally going to hate me after this…!!!)
He blinks, shocked, then resumes his stern and stoic look. Forcibly move my arms away from his face and he starts heading towards the water.
Lon’qu: “I-it’s fine, I’ll wash up, just go warm yourself by the fire already.”
Defeated… I walk back to the fire he’s started and sit on the log…
The fire feels warm but I realized that my leggings and boots are soaked from walking in the water earlier…
I sneezed again.
(I guess I am cold…)
My nose starts to run because I just sneezed and once I sneeze it feels like it doesn’t stop.
Laura: “Ugh…”
(I don’t want to sniff, but I can’t have it leaking like everywhere?!)
I get up and walk back to my tent, I take off my boots, socks, and then my leggings as I don’t want to get the inside of my tent wet. I fold up my dress and squeeze out whatever water is left before stepping in to find my tissues.
Laura: “Good thing I packed some in my bag!”
I found them and blow my nose finally.
Relief, though it won’t stop running but at least it’s not dripping everywhere…
I continue digging in my bag.
Laura: “Yay!! Extra pair of fresh socks!!”
I use the upper dry parts of my leggings to dry my leg as much as possible and wear the clean nice socks, it goes up to my knees only though.
(At least it’s nice and dry!)
I take the tissue box with me outside and head back to the fire. I look around but Lon’qu is nowhere in sight…
I sighed.
(Oh well…)
I lift my dress a bit higher, so I can try to dry it near the campfire.
Laura: (Does it even dry like this…?)
(At least it’s warm…)
I touch the hem of my dress to see if it’s drying. (Seems like it’s working…?)
So I turn around while holding the back of my dress up to like my upper thighs.
Lon’qu: “…!” His free hand flies to his face, covering half of his face.
(W-wait.)
Laura: “E-eh..?!”
I quickly let go of my dress and it falls back down in place.
My cheeks flush from embarrassment like I was caught doing something I was not supposed to and I quickly sit down on the log!
(Uh…. How much did he see?!)
Moments later, I see his boots in my line of vision since I’m looking at the ground… so I look up…
His face is a shade of red as he sets up a cooking rack over the fire and puts the fish on top of it to cook.
Laura: “…”
Lon’qu: “…”
Silence between us.
Laura: (Isn’t this where people talk to each other during camping trips when they are cooking?? What do I say?!)
Laura: “…”
Lon’qu: “…”
More silence.
(Normally I don’t mind the silence… but this?? This is killing me…)
Laura: “D-do you need help…?”
Lon’qu: “N-no.”
Laura: “Okay…”
Lon’qu: “…”
Laura: “…”
(Another no. I’ll probably win the award for the most person he’s said no too.) A prickle feeling in my heart.
I watch him flip the fish in a meticulous motion.
Lon’qu: “At least you stopped sniffling. That’s good.”
He says this without looking at me, but his voice is full of care…
(Huh… How would he know…?)
(He hasn’t looked at me once… right?)
Yet… that prickly feeling from before being replaced by warmth of his words…
(How fickle is my heart….)
(Or just how much he affects me so…)
I absentmindedly look towards him again, and he looks right back at me.
My heart quickens… just from his gaze.
I nod my head and he continues flipping the fish again, getting them cooked evenly on both sides.
Laura: “T-thanks for prepping and cooking…!”
Lon’qu: “Anytime…”
(Again, those words…)
(I want to believe in them, but can I believe them…?)
Laura: “You… and your anytimes…”
(Does this just apply for him cooking for me…?)
Laura: “So…if I’m starving at like I don’t know 2am in the morning, I can wake you up and you’ll cook for me…?”
He turns the fish again, thinking.
Lon’qu: “…You’ll have to… wake me though.”
His voice hangs in the air.
(That’s… a yes…?) (Waking him up though… like in his tent??)
I blurt out.
Laura: “Like in your tent?!”
Lon’qu: “!!”
He opens his mouth to say something, his cheeks reddening but no words come out.
He fumbles with the fish as he puts it on plate.
Lon’qu: “Y-you didn’t have to say it like that!”
He hands me a plate in front of me.
Lon’qu: “But… y-yes.”
Laura: “J-Just for cooking…?”
A silence as the side of his jaw clenches for a bit.
Lon’qu: “As I said before… if you need anything, just ask and I’ll come…”
Laura: “A-anything…?”
He takes a deep breath…
Lon’qu: “Anything you need, Laura…”
(Anything though…?!)
My heart dances… without my permission…
He’s still holding the plate waiting for me to grab it as I haven’t grabbed it.
Lon’qu: “Here, eat.”
I finally take the plate from him.
Laura: “Thank you really Lon’qu, this looks delicious!”
The fish is seasoned well and crisp, just the way I like it.
We don’t exchange any real words, but the silence actually feels peaceful. Just eating in each other’s company, just me and him. The two of us…
(I wonder if he enjoys my company as much as I enjoy his…)
After we eat dinner, he pulls out a package.
Lon’qu: “I got this for you…”
It was a s’more’s kit for two.
Laura: “… I actually never made one before. But, I know the gist of making one I think…”
He watches as I open up the package and stab the marshmallow through the stick and hand one to him.
Laura: “Now we toast it over the fire!”
I put the marshmallow over the fire trying to figure out how to turn it. (I don’t think I’m doing this right at all…)
I look over to Lon’qu and he turns it meticulously with every movement precise and deliberate. (Of course… is there anything he doesn’t know how to do…)
When I look back at my own marshmallow, it’s on ablaze.
Laura: “!!! My marshmallow is on fire…!??”
I pull it out of the fire and indeed, the marshmallow and stick is on fire.
Laura: “?!”
I try to blow on it to put the fire out but the fire is still there. In one movement, Lon’qu comes over and blows it out in one breath.
Lon’qu: “…Careful.”
Laura: “T-thanks…”
My marshmallow is completely burnt, charcoal even.
(Oh my goodness…)
He laughs but the sound makes a rumble from his throat.
(S-so cute…) I’m so distracted by him as he takes the burnt stick out of my fingers and hands me the one that he was toasting.
It’s pretty… perfectly toasted, caramel colors all the way around the marshmallow.
(W-wow…!!)
Laura: “This is so perfect!”
He chuckles.
Lon’qu: “It’s for you.”
Laura: “I can’t be the only one trying this… so w-we can share it!” I grab the graham, chocolate, and the toasted marshmallow and smush it all together. And then just as quickly, try to break it in half but of course one piece is way bigger than the other one.
I put the larger piece towards him.
Lon’qu: “I don’t care for sweets… but if you insist.”
And… he takes a bite.
Laura: “Huh…”
(HUH?!?!!! H-he just ate it from my fingers?!?)
His lips accidentally brushing my fingers…
My face goes on fire.
Lon’qu: “Are you going to have a bite yourself… or do you want me to feed you?”
(H-he’s teasing me….)
(Why is he teasing me like this?!)
Flustered from his touch, flustered from his words, I bite into the piece that he’s just bitten from.
(WAIT…!!!)
Laura: “…!!”
He chuckles.
Lon’qu: “I thought that was mine…?”
(Mine….) The way he said it, kicks my heart into spurts again…
I bring the smaller piece towards him…
Laura: “H-here eat this then…”
He takes it from my fingers into his fingers, and the last remaining piece of s’mores is directly in front of me…
Lon’qu: “This was for you to enjoy…”
Laura: “Huh…?” My mouth opened wide in a dumbfounded look… as he popped the piece into my mouth.
Laura: “?!”
He looks so pleased with himself, that I couldn’t stop staring at his precious smile as I involuntarily chewed… the sweetness in my mouth as well as my heart.
(So unfair… he’s so cute…)
As I swallowed, I choked and start coughing.
In an instant, he’s handed me a canteen with water and I drink it.
Laura: “T-thank you.”
Lon’qu: “S-sorry…”
Laura: “It’s not you! Besides you saved me with that water…”
Feeling thirsty, I drink about half the bottle when I realized that it was his canteen and not mine…
(!!)
(Good thing I finished drinking that or I would have choked again but on water!!)
Now it was my turn to apologize.
Laura: “S…sorry I drank your water….”
Lon’qu: “You don’t need to be sorry, I gave it to you.”
(I mean true… but again why?!?)
Lon’qu: “Do you want to call it a night or is there anything else you want to do…?”
Laura: “Can we go on a patrol…?”
(A patrol I say…)
Lon’qu: “Of course.”
He cleans up and puts out the fire.
Lon’qu: “Let’s go.”
We walk around the area, nature all around us. (You would think the night time is filled with noises but it’s still pretty quiet…) It’s not like we never went on patrols before, but this feels different somehow. Not a mission, not forced, but willing. The air is colder, and my legs are starting to get cold actually.
I don’t want to be obvious but it’s getting so cold, that I have to cross my arms to try to keep my warmth up.
Lon’qu: “We should head back.”
Laura: “A-already…?” My voice disappointed.
His eyes scan me… from the top of my head, to my arms, down to my feet…
He has a frown on his face…
Laura: “…?”
Lon’qu: “I… didn’t notice…”
As he turns his back towards me…
Lon’qu: “Get on.”
Laura: “Huh…?”
Lon’qu: “You’re not even wearing shoes… so get on.”
(A piggyback ride??? I mean I love them but??? What?!?)
Laura: “I can still walk…”
Lon’qu: “Just… get on Laura.” He bends down a little bit more so it will be easier for me to get on.
When he calls my name like that… I obey and plop myself onto his back.
His warmth seeps into me…
(He’s so warm…)
Absentmindedly I wrap my arms around his shoulders to better support myself and to get closer…
My chest pressed against his back… my face near his ear… my breaths on his neck…
(His ear within nibbling distance…)
I can feel his muscles tense up from my sudden shift…
I flip my head the other way, and prop myself upright, but doing that my legs squeeze against his body.
A sharp exhale escapes him.
(All of a sudden I feel very self conscious… his body heat… his strong arms… just Lon’qu…)
Laura: “…”
My heart is hammering out of my chest and I wonder if he can feel it even though I am no longer leaning against him.
(I want to snuggle against him…) I shake my head at that thought.
I don’t dare to talk. I don’t dare to move. We make it back without acknowledging each other…
He puts me down when we make in front of my tent.
Laura: “T-thank you Lon’qu.”
Lon’qu: “…A-anytime.” His voice deeper, and lower than normal.
He clears his throat.
Lon’qu: “Sleep w-well.” It comes out almost huskily… but he turns away, starting to make it back to his tent.
Laura: “G-good night!” I call out, as he walks to the other side.
Inside my tent, I changed into my pajamas and zipped myself in the sleeping bag. My heart still going 100 miles a minute…
(He’s going to ban me from piggyback rides! That’ll be my first and last time ever!)
I empty out the free roaming thoughts in my mind.
I toss and turn…
(It’s quiet. Like too quiet…) I had turned on the lantern because I really can’t sleep alone in the dark in a place like this outside in the wilderness. (It’s a bit too much!) And then I hear a symphony of bugs, lots of crickets…
I freeze. (I HATE BUGS! Ahhhh… how am I supposed to sleep?!)
The cricket chirps like how it’s supposed to when all of a sudden it sounds like an alarm.
I think I’m going crazy… when I see it fly across the tent and I scream.
Laura: “Ahhhhh!!!” And I hide myself under my covers. (What else is there to do but hide?!)
“Laura! Are you okay!?”
(Huh… Lon’qu?! Did I wake him up…?! What do I do?!)
The cricket is chirping again… and I twitch under the covers.
Lon’qu: “Hey…”
When I feel something by my foot, crawling… on an instinct I yelp and jump out of my sleeping bag. But, I didn’t realize Lon’qu was RIGHT there and I smacked my head right onto his hand that was reaching out.
Laura: “Owwww… painnn….” I slowly begin to put my hands up to rub my own head… when his hand pats my head where I had hit it.
Lon’qu: “S-sorry… I was going to wake you… I-I thought maybe you had a nightmare or something… screaming like that…”
My lantern glows in the tent and I can see the worry in his face and his flushed cheeks.
“I-it wasn’t a nightmare…” when out in the corner of my eyes, I see the cricket on the bottom of my sleeping bag, slowly moving closer towards me.
I yelp as I jump behind him my arms on his shoulders, hiding myself using him a shield. His shoulders tense up from my proximity I assume, but I don’t budge.
Lon’qu: “W-wait… all this for a cricket…?”
Laura: “I-I hate bugs… like really hate them. Like actually hate them!!”
He shakes his head but despite that he chuckles.
My cheeks flush. “A-are you laughing at me?!”
Lon’qu: “No. I just didn’t expect it.”
Laura: “…What’s that supposed to mean!?”
Lon’qu: “Just… this is the first time, you admitted something to me.”
All of a sudden I feel very vulnerable.
Laura: “…”
(Am I supposed to take this as I’m easy to read? Or on the regular I’m too complicated…?)
Lon’qu: “Don’t worry…”
He gets up my hands dropping to my sides while he goes looking for the cricket.
Not too long after, he finds the cricket and scoops it up in his hands to release it outside the tent.
He comes back in the tent. “There. It’s gone.”
Laura: “Thank you…”
He nods and then turns around to leave again. But, my fingers tug on the back of his shirt.
Laura: “Please don’t go…” I barely said the words out loud but with the stillness of the night, it’s loud.
He stiffens as if my touch has burned a hole in the back of his shirt.
Lon’qu: “D-Don’t be ridiculous.”
Laura: “But you said anything…” my voice comes out quiet, like a test.
His breath hitches, I see the rise and fall of his breathing.
Lon’qu: “I don’t think—“
Laura: “Then, I’ll sneak in your tent.”
Lon’qu: “W-what?!?” He whips around his face flushing.
Lon’qu: “I-it’s not s-safe!”
(What’s not safe?) (Me?)
(He said anything, anytime, and apparently… it’s not?)
(He’s so quick to help all the other shepherds in trouble but I’m too much?)
I’m grumbling now my thoughts in turmoil. I cross my arms.
(So he can say sweet words to me that carry no value…? All lies…?)
Laura: “It’s not like I’m going to throw figs at you or assault you while you’re sleeping.”
Lon’qu: “!”
The realization that I have spoken out loud about one of the events that transpired even though it’s been way months ago with Robin… puts me on edge.
Lon’qu: “That’s not…”
(If it were anyone else, maybe he might have stayed… so quick to help everyone out but me…?)
(Then why tell me… why make it feel like a promise when it’s not…)
Laura: “Whatever.”
Laura: “Leave. Get out.” The words leave my mouth before I realize that I had spoken them. I can’t take them back.
The hurt in my voice.
Lon’qu: “…” His mouth clenches and unclenches, like he’s going to say something, but nothing comes out.
But, he doesn’t budge.
(He’s so frustrating…) (If you don’t like me…)
(Just… leave me alone…)
Laura: “Fine… Do whatever you want, I’m going to bed. Night.”
I turn my sleeping bag instead out and fan it so if there’s anything in it, it will drop out. But, I didn’t see anything… I flip it back the correct way. I turn the lantern off so it’s pitch dark… I somehow find my sleeping bag, go in, and pull the sleeping bag all the way to my head.
I sigh. (What am I even doing…)
(Was it my fault that took his anything to heart…?)
(Then why tell me that… multiple times…)
The silence hangs in the air along with the bug choir going on outside.
(His willingness to help… even if he doesn’t owe you anything, he will do it. That’s just how sweet he is…)
I sigh… audibly.
(He’s too good to everyone.)
(But I… I need attention too…)
Laura: “…”
(Only when it comes to him… I crave for that…)
“…”
I continue to toss and turn…
I can’t sleep. (I need some fresh air.)
So, I get up.
I fumble my way through the dark of the tent until I reach what I think is the entrance. I push through, but instead of the tent flaps, it’s solid and warm.
Laura: “Huh..?!”
Lon’qu: “Where are… you going?”
Laura: “You’re… you’re still here…?”
Lon’qu: “I haven’t left…”
Laura: “Well… I need some fresh air.”
He moves aside, and I get out. But he follows me…
(Why is he tailing me… whatever ignoring him…) I reprimanded myself.
The night sky is pretty and dark but the stars are bright in the sky. I walk towards the place where we had our campfire earlier today and sit on the log. I stare into the sky above.
(Wish I knew about some constellations to see if I could even find anything…)
The night wind passes by and it’s cold. I hold myself in my arms and he stands where the wind is blowing, shielding me.
He doesn’t say anything, but this is to be expected too.
(It’s the little things like this that make me feel special. Though, he’ll probably do this for anyone…)
I turn to stare at his face. He’s looking sideways, towards the trees, away from me.
I told myself to ignore him but… I can’t help it.
(Heyyyy! Look at me!)
(Lon’qu! Over here!)
(Look at me!)
He doesn’t ever turn my way though… his face stoic as ever.
(Love me…)
I look back up at the night sky. (There… but out of reach.)
(If he doesn’t love me… then I’ll need to try harder…?)
(Ridiculous…) I scold myself.
(How can he not love me?!) I stare at him again, he’s still looking around the perimeter.
(Fine, don’t love me.)
I fake yawn. “Guess it’s bed time for real now. Good night, Lon’qu.” I walk back to the tent.
Lon’qu: “Night…”
I turn back when I was at the entrance of my tent. “Last chance, you sleeping with me or what…?”
Lon’qu: “W-what?!? You shouldn’t b-be saying things like t-that?! H-have you no s-shame?!”
“Juuuuuust kidding!” I tease. “Thanks for spending time with me today and celebrating.” I go inside and close the tent flaps quickly.
(Geez. No hesitation.)
(And I have no shame?! What’s up with that??)
(I’m not the one saying anytime and anywhere and anything but can’t follow through?!)
I’m fuming...
I lay back down in my sleeping bag and close my eyes.
I sigh under my covers.
(Am I really nothing to him?)
My mind replaying the events from today.
(Then why all the flirting today…)
(The comment about tying myself to him…)
(The way he picked me up in the water…)
(Eating s’mores from my fingers…)
(And the way he fed me back in retaliation?!)
(Piggyback ride…)
(Saving me from the cricket…)
(Shielding me from the wind…)
(But again, he would literally do this for anyone wouldn’t he…)
That thought makes my heart sink.
(If I’m nothing… then…)
I sigh deeply…
(Well… two can play that game.)
(I’ll show him what nothing is.)
I made a quiet pact to myself keep myself away from him. (After tomorrow, once we head back home to camp, I will avoid him. I will avoid him… I WILL avoid him.) I repeat this over and over until I drift off to sleep…
My heart aches but my desire to ignore him is stronger…
(He will get nothing from me.)
Laura: “Liar…”
